Changing Hearts Page 15

  “Me too,” I muttered as her tears wet my shirt, feeling like the biggest dick in the world.

  Her silent tears eventually quieted. I moved the soupy leftover ice cream from her lap and covered her with a comforter.

  I hadn’t yet earned the right to share her bed, so I left. At least she’d fallen asleep. I cursed David one last time because outside of her friends checking on her, he hadn’t called. It made me want to punch that asshole again.

  I traded one sleeping body for another. Ash was knotted up on my bed, plagued by his own demons. A creature of habit, I crawled in beside him to soothe away his pain until sleep finally claimed me.

  A vicious sound caused pain to radiate in my head, a cue ball bouncing off the sides of a pool table. Opening my eyes, I realized I was alone.

  “Make it stop,” I muttered, picking up my phone. “Hello.”

  “Sawyer.” I closed my eyes like I could will the sound of my father’s voice to disappear. “We are getting some good and free press with your win yesterday.”

  “Yeah.”

  I could have had a mouth full of rocks the way my voice sounded.

  “Yet, they are reporting that you are questionable for the next game.” The last thing I wanted to talk about was football. “Make sure you’re playing.”

  “And my possible concussion?”

  Not that he cared.

  “Cargill men have shaken off worse.”

  “I’m not a Cargill, remember?”

  “Maybe you’ll earn an honorary place. This race means everything for our family. I’m counting on you to do your part. Man up.”

  The line went dead.

  I hated that he hung what happened to my brother over my head. He hadn’t said the words, but they’d been implied.

  THIRTY-FOUR

  Shelly

  It had been a few days since Sawyer’s late night ice cream visit. Mia sat on the end of my bed.

  “Has David called?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “Seriously?”

  Mia was more pissed than I was. I shrugged.

  “It doesn’t bother you?”

  Of course it did. “In a way.” The fact that I didn’t mean enough for him to try to win me back still stung. But I hadn’t changed my mind on not taking him back. As hot as he was, I didn’t feel a soul breaking ache that he was gone.

  “How is Xander?”

  “I don’t know. He hasn’t called.” Her face fell. “I’m done with him.”

  We high fived, but I could tell it bothered her more than she was letting on.

  “Did you guys…”

  Her jaw dropped. “Hell no. And he can screw himself.” She spread two fingers and aimed it at her eyes and then at mine. “We’re both single, baby. We are so going out.”

  My phone chirped, saving me. I didn’t feel much like partying.

  “Mom,” I said into the phone. Mia waved. “Mom, just a second.”

  “I’ll call you later,” Mia said.

  I nodded. When the door opened, Sawyer was near enough I heard what he said.

  “Mia.” His voice was way too sexy.

  The door closed before I could hear what he said next.

  “Mom. I’m back.”

  “Shelly. Your dad is coming home in a few weeks.”

  “Really?”

  Hope rose in me.

  “Yes. Be sure to come dressed nice.”

  That confused me. “Why?”

  “A photographer is coming over for our annual family photo.”

  Every year we took a picture to use for Christmas cards.

  “Seriously? That’s the reason he’s coming home?”

  Disappointment quickly erased my initial excitement.

  “Shelly Elizabeth.”

  I gritted my teeth. When Mom used my middle name, it meant the conversation was over. However, I wasn’t letting her off that easily.

  “Dad’s playing house with some other woman and we are going to send out cards with a picture of our farce of a family. Christmas isn’t even for another few months.”

  “Shelly, your father is paying for your school. Show some respect.”

  “Respect? He doesn’t respect you.”

  “Your father takes care of me too.”

  “As he should. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with his cheating.”

  “This really isn’t any of your business.”

  “It is when I see how much this bothers you.”

  During a brief pause, I had a chance to feel shitty for pushing at her, especially when her voice broke when she spoke.

  “It’s not like I have very many choices. I haven’t had a job since before your brother was born.”

  Mom wasn’t dumb. She just needed a cheerleader in her corner.

  “Then get one. Or go back to school and make Dad pay for it.”

  “Shelly.”

  “I’m serious. What did you want to be before you decided to just be our mom?”

  It was a few breaths before she admitted, “A teacher.”

  It was fitting. She was one of the most patient people I knew. She’d spent a lot of time showing me things growing up, whether it was helping me with my school work or teaching me to cook. “You should do it then.”

  “I’m too old.”

  “You’re not that old. There are kids who’d be lucky to have a teacher like you.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “I’ll help you. We’ll research teaching programs. You can do this.”

  I continued to cheer her on for a little while longer. However, when I got off the phone, I was really sad. Dad had been my hero growing up. I’d thought he could do no wrong. And though I still loved him, I hated what he was doing to Mom.

  When the feeling of my four walls closing in on me took over, I left myself. However, the last thing I wanted was to be around people. So I headed out back.

  Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one with that idea. Sawyer sat on the stairs looking pensive while gazing out at the yard. He had a beer in his hand. He didn’t seem to notice me until he spoke.

  “Shell.” He turned his head to face me. “Wanna beer?”

  He had a pail full of ice and a couple of beers sticking out of it.

  “Sure.”

  I sat next to him, taking his offering. He’d opened it, so I put the chilled bottle to my lips and drank. The cold liquid felt amazing going down with the mugginess of the night’s air because of the earlier rain.

  I pressed the cool bottle to my forehead.

  “Hot?”

  I glanced over at him and tried to be immune to the crooked smile he wore.

  “I’m not going to answer that.”

  “Why?”

  I didn’t buy his innocent tone.

  “You know why. You’ll turn my answer into something sexual.”

  “We’ve talked about this, firecracker. There’s nothing wrong with sex.”

  I pointed a finger at him. “See? It’s all sex with you.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Sex keeps the world going around.”

  I didn’t comment. Thinking about sex with Sawyer only made the hot air surrounding us stifling. I didn’t argue and let a companionable silence settle in.

  “Are you okay?” he asked minutes later.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “The thing with David.”

  He tipped the beer to his lips. Those fucking kissable lips of his.

  “Oh, that.” I shrugged. I needed to shake off the shiver that ran through me. “You were right,” I begrudgingly admitted. “I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but clearly he wasn’t that into me.”

  “You deserve better.”

  I stared at him for a second. He’d continually said that. Why?

  “Wow, that coming from you.” I laughed.

  “Any guy would be lucky to call you his.”

  He was just so damn serious, I had to glance away.

  “This from the guy who’s never ha
d a girlfriend.”

  “I could have had plenty of girlfriends. But none of them really wanted me.”

  That surprised me. He didn’t lack for self-esteem.

  “How can you say that?”

  “Because most girls don’t care who I am outside of knowing my family has money or how many times I can get them off.”

  “That’s a blanket statement. I can’t imagine every girl you’ve encountered is that superficial.”

  “Yeah, ask me how many times a girl has asked me anything about myself outside of what my major is. Most get hung up on the fact that I play ball or that I grew up in the Hamptons.”

  “Hamptons?”

  “See?” He tipped his beer in my direction. “That’s what makes you different. You didn’t even know that and probably don’t care. Then again, most girls don’t think I’m an asshole.”

  “You’re not an asshole.”

  His head whipped around.

  “You’re not. A little conceited and a little overconfident, but you’re an okay guy.”

  “High praise from you,” he said, laughing after repeating my sentiment from earlier.

  It was nice sitting and talking to him. That was the last thing I wanted to admit, so I worked on finishing my beer instead.

  As the silence became a thing, so big it couldn’t be ignored, I broke it. Something had been playing in my head ever since I’d met his father. “I imagine living in a family like yours there is a lot of pressure.”

  “There’s pressure in all families.”

  “Yeah, but my choices have been my own.”

  My father wasn’t forcing me to become a lawyer. It was something I’d chosen on my own.

  “You’re lucky.”

  Since I decided not to pry, I changed the subject.

  “What did you do this summer?”

  He relaxed and leaned back, resting his weight on his arms before stretching out his long legs. I couldn’t help but notice how his biceps bunched and formed mountains on his arms.

  “Went to Europe,” he finally said.

  I tried to cover my laugh with a hand. “Europe and the Hamptons. You say it like it’s nothing. I’ve only dreamed of going to France one day.”

  “Paris?”

  I sighed. “Who wouldn’t want to see the Eiffel Tower? And I do. But besides that, I want to see Normandy. So many people died there and I have a fascination with history.”

  “I could show you places.”

  “Like what?”

  “The Highlands in Scotland. There was a war there that killed the highland clan system. Then there’s the Berlin Wall and other places like Vienna, Prague, you might want to see. There’s a lot of history in the architecture and in the culture in Europe.”

  “Sounds amazing. Though I’m shocked that…” He glared at me. I held up a hand. “You’re right. That’s a little too judgy. I just didn’t think that you…Okay, I’m going to stop while I’m ahead.”

  “I spend a couple of weeks every year going someplace new, staying in hostels, riding buses or taking crappy cabs just seeing the world, you know? Not everything good is at a five-star hotel. After graduation, I plan to go on a safari.”

  “God, what I wouldn’t give to be you.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t want to be me. My life in so many ways is just this side of being too fucked up. Most of the time, I travel alone. Do you know what it’s like to turn to the side to tell someone just how fucking unbelievable what you’re seeing is, only to realize no one is there?”

  Although I’d go alone if it meant seeing those places, I got his meaning.

  “Ashton didn’t go with you?”

  “No.” He sounded so sad when he said it.

  There was more to that story, but I figured if he wanted me to know he’d tell me. A buzz sounded and Sawyer picked up his phone. He read something, then typed a quick reply.

  “Duty calls,” he said, getting to his feet. “You’re welcome to more beer.”

  “I’m good, thanks.”

  In the doorway, he added, “Don’t stay up too late.”

  I nodded and watched him disappear inside, instantly missing his company. I wanted to ask more about his travels. He’d been to places I’d only dreamed of going. Then I wondered what duty had him walking away. Was it another girl?

  He was like a weed that had rooted in my heart as I fought the little spike of jealousy.

  THIRTY-FIVE

  Shelly

  We sat in the library, which was pretty empty considering it was Saturday morning. I had a research paper due and midterms were coming up. Mia, on the other hand, wasn’t thinking about her future.

  “I’m telling you we should totally go to this party tonight,” Mia whispered.

  I’d had my fill of parties. Plus, I wasn’t ready to run into David. It wasn’t because I wanted him back, but the idea of seeing him with someone else would totally suck.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Oh my gosh, Shelly. This is our last year. We’re young. We’re hot. There are so many guys on campus to choose from. And this isn’t a frat party.” From what she’d already told me about it, it would be at a house not too far from campus. “And Lance invited us personally.”

  Lance, the blond god as Mia had described him, was her current crush. She refused to show me his picture. But I could tell she still wasn’t over Xander.

  “Come on, Shell.”

  It had been a few weeks. Was I really going to be a hermit because of David? It’s possible he won’t come. Surely there would be a frat or sorority party he’d go to.

  “Fine. But I’ll have to meet you there. I have to go to Mom’s for a thing.”

  The dreaded family picture day had arrived.

  “Do you want to grab lunch first?”

  I shook my head. “I ate a late breakfast.”

  “Whatever you’re eating, I want some of that shit. You’re totally losing weight. Are you on a diet?”

  “I’m not on a diet. I just watch what I eat.”

  “Are you calorie counting? Like zero calories.”

  “I eat, okay?”

  When a few people glanced our way, she held up a hand. “Anyway, are you going to the game later?”

  I shook my head.

  “Still avoiding David?”

  It was more than that. I couldn’t watch Sawyer play. I didn’t understand why he continued to go out there again after everything that had happened.

  “No. Mom wants me to come by early,” I lied.

  She pointed a finger at me. “Fine. But you promise to meet me at the party tonight.”

  I nodded. “I’ll be there.”

  By the time I made it back home, the place was empty. I grabbed a rice cake and a spoonful of hummus because I was starving. My late breakfast had consisted of a multigrain bar. If I could make it through without eating dinner, I’d reward myself later with a cup of plain yogurt and a couple of strawberries.

  I was grateful lunch didn’t bloat me. The blue dress I chose would show every imperfection, not to mention the ten pounds every picture added. I’d probably look like a stuffed sausage and Dad would have the photographer Photoshop me if I didn’t look perfect. That was always so embarrassing. Something I wanted to avoid.

  Mom was in the kitchen cooking when I arrived.

  “Have you put in your application?” I asked her.

  She smiled. “I did and I swear I’m a nervous wreck. What if I don’t get admitted?”

  “You will.”

  My brother walked in. “Hey, everyone.”

  He wasn’t alone. Roy was with him.

  “Hey, Shelly,” he greeted.

  “Hey.” I wasn’t exactly impolite, but I did give him my back.

  Mom, however, gave her attention to the guys.

  “How are the wedding plans coming?” Mom asked Roy.

  “Actually, we’re slowing things down,” he answered.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

  Roy
caught my attention, but I glanced away. The front door opened. It had to be Dad. We had entered through the back door, but Dad always came through the front.

  I used the opportunity to get away from Roy’s prying eyes. Down the main hall, I entered the front room and wrapped my arms around my father.

  “Daddy.”

  It was such a girlish thing to say, but as much as I hated his actions toward Mom, I was still his little girl.

  “Shelly.” Dad looked fitter, but his temples were filled in with gray. “How’s my girl?”

  “School’s fine,” I deflected. “How’s court?”

  That was enough to get him talking about all the things that didn’t include me.

  Greg came in and gave Dad a curt nod.

  “Greg. Glad you could make it.”

  Tension brewed. Dad, like me, was probably surprised my brother showed up.

  “Not sure why we’re taking a family picture. But Mom asked me to be here. So here I am.”

  Mom walked in with Roy and Dad’s smile became curt.

  “Why don’t we sit for dinner?” Mom suggested.

  Greg dutifully did as she asked. Mom started up conversation with Roy after she began to pass around the dishes. When it grew stilted, she tried with Dad as I picked at my food, moving it around the plate. She asked him about how things were going as the rest of us said nothing.

  Everyone was almost grateful when the photographer showed up. Roy stayed in the background while the rest of us plastered mannequin worthy smiles on our faces. Our lineup ended up being Dad, then me, Mom, and Greg. It was one of the most awkward things our family had done.

  I didn’t blame the photographer when he practically ran out of the door after finishing. To say our session was met with grievances from my brother every step of the way was an understatement.

  Once he was gone, I decided to pick a topic to talk about.

  “Mom, have you told Dad you’re going back to school?”

  I hated to put her on the spot, but she’d yet to bring it up.

  Dad glanced over at her, clearly surprised.

  “I hadn’t yet.”

  “School?” he asked.

  “Yes, don’t you think it’s great? I mean, now that Greg and I have been out of the house, Mom deserves to do something she’s wanted to do all her life.”