Craving Dragonflies Read online

  I dusted myself off and he got to his feet.

  “I’m going with you.”

  I had to crane my neck back to look at him.

  “No. And that’s a firm no.” At his frown, I added, “I really appreciate you wanting to go to bat for me, but I can handle this.”

  His stiff nod looked reluctant, which unfortunately made me crush harder for him. Stupid.

  I’d almost completely turned away when I shifted to walk backwards.

  “And thanks,” I said.

  His head cocked to the side. Damn, he was a beautiful man.

  “For what?”

  My heart raced in my chest. Though I’d woken unsure about the previous night, all that had changed.

  “For caring about what happened to me last night.”

  My graceful walk away fumbled as my foot landed in a patch of uneven ground and I pitifully pinwheeled my arms to gain my balance.

  Then he was there, hand blazing on my back as it appeared like he’d dipped me in some old-time dance. His face was right there. Our eyes locked, and I couldn’t stop my mind for wishing he would just kiss me.

  When I swallowed, the spell broke and he righted me. His hands fell away so fast, I was sure he’d been burned by the heat that had flared between us.

  “I should go,” I said and practically jogged to the path that led back to school.

  I wanted to look back, but I also didn’t want to be disappointed by what I might see or not see in his expression.

  26

  Willow

  * * *

  Sunshine fed my smile. All my doubts were gone. I’d lost my virginity to a good guy. And it didn’t matter that he didn’t remember. His memory loss was due in part because he’d saved me from being in the shoes he currently walked in. As messed up as that was, I could look back and know that the guy I’d given my most precious gift wasn’t a douche.

  Seeing that I was walking into a meeting where I could very well be expelled, I had to hold on to something good.

  I pulled open one of the heavy double doors and crossed into the coolness of the air-conditioned hallway. I wondered if this was what it felt like for prisoners on death row as I walked to the unknown. I was scared and anxious at the same time to get it over with.

  Faces blurred as I held my head high and kept moving forward. Ash was never far from my thoughts and not on purpose. My body ached with each step, reminding me of what we’d done. Flashes of him above me, muscled body moving with purpose. Something built so deep inside me, I’d cried out when it was set free.

  My fist held in the air a second before I knocked on my professor’s door. I can do this, I told myself. I exhaled and rapped at the door twice.

  “Come in,” came a voice from inside.

  I entered the well-appointed office. It was tidy but had a lived-in feel.

  “Miss Young, have a seat.”

  I sat in the only free chair in the room and crossed my legs at the ankles, folding my hands on my lap. Before now, I’d only been in trouble at school a couple times in my life. Each time, I was scared shitless. Though I’d never been in trouble at Layton. Funny thing was, I wasn’t afraid now.

  “I’m sure you know why you’re here.” I kept my mouth closed and didn’t even nod. “Before we get to that, I’m curious why you chose entomology as your major.”

  Because bugs couldn’t hurt you, emotionally at least.

  “Insects can save our world.”

  She nodded as if I’d answered correctly.

  “In order to study them, there have to be sacrifices,” she said, starting down a trail that led to a parental-type lecture.

  “There are plenty of dead bugs outdoors,” I cut in, eyebrow lifting in challenge as I mentally fist pumped.

  “As a scientist, you realize that there are so many variables outside of a controlled environment. We can’t draw accurate conclusions unless we can limit the unknowns.”

  I leaned back in my chair. It wasn’t as though I was afraid physically, but she had been correct with her assessment and I’d all but outed myself as the culprit if she had any doubts.

  “We’ve seen the tapes,” she said.

  Finally, I gave in and nodded.

  “Fortunately for you, it only shows you coming to return the arachnid.” She paused, giving weight to her gaze on me. “I will ask you once for the name of the individual with you.”

  I might as well have waved a white flag for how fast my reply came.

  “He didn’t do anything wrong.”

  At least I sounded convincing.

  “I beg to differ, Miss Young. As of right now, the evidence would suggest you caught him.” She paused, and I inwardly groaned. I gave her the clue that it was a guy and not a very tall girl. “If you are unwilling to give me his name, I’ll have to assume you two were working together and consider recommending expulsion to the dean as your punishment.”

  I wrung my hands on my lap, knowing how disappointed Mom would be in me.

  “It’s not his fault.”

  Though I’d spoken softer, I’d held my ground.

  Her lips flattened into a thin line. My stomach bottomed out as I waited for the words that would abruptly end my senior year.

  “Your record is stellar. You are a good student. In fact, I’d been talking to a colleague of mine at Harvard about an open research fellowship he has available I thought you’d be a good fit for.”

  My eyes widened. For a second, my heart leaped, only to plummet because I knew what she was about to say next.

  “I can hardly recommend you for that spot if you can’t stomach the death of a specimen.”

  Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t.

  “What’s my punishment?”

  It had come out as dry as my tongue.

  “I’m not going to recommend expulsion. However, I can’t grant you access to the lab after class hours anymore.”

  Which meant, if I couldn’t finish an assignment during class, I would get a failing grade.

  “I’m also going to fail you for this current lab. However, I’m feeling charitable and will give you an opportunity to raise that failing grade to a B at most.”

  I had to pass this class. It was a requirement. If I didn’t, I couldn’t graduate. Next semester, I needed to take another class where this one was a prerequisite in order to fulfill my requirements for my major.

  “What do I need to do?”

  She sat back with a squeak of the chair. The sound rivaled the thunderous beating of my heart.

  “I require a ten thousand word essay. The topic will be how insects and Shakespeare’s plays are alike.”

  My jaw hung open. “You can’t be serious.” I hated writing. Technical writing about scientific findings was okay. But English papers about long dead literary figures or creative writing papers gave me hives. “What does Shakespeare have to do with anything bug related?”

  “That’s for you to figure out, and I expect it on my desk in two weeks.”

  I’m sure I looked like a Venus flytrap, jaws agape and predatory as I held my tongue in outrage.

  “This isn’t fair,” I spat.

  “Life isn’t fair, Miss Young. In scientific terms, we call it survival of the fittest. You chose a path, and I’m being very generous not completely failing you or getting you kicked out of school. Do the paper and maybe you’ll learn a lesson or two.”

  She’d made it all sound easy as she sat there wielding power like she was a god. That was what was wrong with the world. No one truly had freedom, including the insects that could point to a way to save our planet from human overconsumption and waste. I stood and closed my eyes for a second, reining in my emotions.

  “Thank you. You’ll have my paper on time,” I said with all the dignity I could muster.

  I fled her office in a panic. I didn’t know much about Shakespeare. What I’d read in high school hadn’t stuck in my head. I’d done whatever assignment given and then tried to forget the hours of m
y time spent writing bullshit that didn’t matter.

  When I pushed through the double doors of the science building and took a deep, cleansing breath, I nearly choked when I spotted Ashton. He sat on a half wall that lined the steps leading to and from the building to the path.

  Marching over to him probably wasn’t the best idea considering my mood.

  “Why did you come? I told you I didn’t need you here.”

  Venom laced every word and I didn’t wait for his response. I kept striding past, but knew he was following me. I cut through the buildings and into the wooded area that eventually led to the man-made pond he seemed to favor.

  “What happened?”

  His deep voice sent a shiver through me despite the baking heat.

  “You shouldn’t have come. My professor wanted me to give up your name and I didn’t. You fit the profile of what she probably saw on that video.”

  My breath picked up as I fast walked into the tree canopied shade.

  “You could have told them,” he said.

  I spun around with the force of all my pent-up anger from my meeting.

  “You can’t save me this time,” I hurled out my words like a lash across his cheek. Some of his concern dimmed as his jaw tightened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m not mad at you. I just don’t want you to be hurt because of me. And I’m pissed I’m being forced to write some craptastic paper about bugs and Shakespeare.”

  “That’s your punishment?” He tried to hold back a smile, but his lips twitched.

  “It’s not funny. I hate writing.” But I found some of the tension leaking out of me.

  “I can help you.”

  It was my turn to laugh. “Really, how?”

  “English is my major with a minor in journalism.”

  I was stunned again. “Seriously?”

  “Yes.”

  I blinked a few times and then said, “I appreciate the offer, but I need to do this.”

  “You weren’t the only one in that lab that night. Let me help you.”

  Words like valiant and chivalrous bounced in my head as I stared at him.

  “Thanks, even though I don’t think butterflies are over romanticized, I’m sure I could come up with some parallels between them and Romeo and Juliet. They both had short lives.” I shrugged.

  He didn’t move as we stood almost facing off as if he could change my mind.

  “You could. But since you brought it up, do you have any other options?”

  Though it wasn’t a debate, I took him up on his challenge.

  “Okay.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Butterflies are pretty, don’t get me wrong. And they say when you meet someone you really like you get that feeling in your gut. Then there are fireflies. What isn’t romantic about standing in a field at night with someone you love as fireflies light up the field? And they do it to attract a mate. But honestly, I think the true romantics are dragonflies.”

  One perfect brow lifted as he, like so many others, was clueless about what makes dragonflies the ultimate romantics.

  “Oh, come on, the heart shape,” I said. When he only stood there, I filled him in. “When dragonflies hook up, the male grasps his chosen female by the neck, bringing her abdomen to his—” I wave a hand. “—you know, so they can join together. When that happens, they form a heart, though the more technical term is the mating wheel.”

  I left out the part about how aggressive the males are to stave out any other guys from getting his woman. But it’s kind of hot how possessive they are.

  “Do they stay together forever?” he asked.

  “Not exactly, but most insects don’t. The males do hang around long enough to protect their woman from other males until she’s fertilized. Otherwise, another male will come along and remove his sperm and replace it with theirs.”

  Ashton broke out in laughter, and I couldn’t stop from laughing myself. His smile could light up the world, especially since he didn’t often wear one.

  “And that’s romantic?” He tried to hold in his chuckling, but it didn’t work.

  “Stop.” I couldn’t either, giggling before I finished. “Considering everything, yes. They choose a woman and are forced to fight off any other guys to have her. And when he gets her, his job to become a father isn’t done. He has to stay and protect her.”

  “His investment in future dragonflies.”

  Standing there as he gave his deadpan answer, I couldn’t stop the blush from forming. I looked away and then back into his gaze.

  “Well yes, still. A heart, come on. That’s love all the way.”

  When our laughter died, he said, “You should write about that. I could give you a few Shakespearean quotes, like ‘The fault is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.’ Though that is a modern take on his words.”

  His eyes never left mine as he recited the words.

  “Wow.” There was a lot of power in that sentence. “It’s beautiful. What play is that from?”

  “Julius Caesar.”

  His stare was unreadable. Or maybe I didn’t believe enough in myself to take the chance.

  “I guess that could work for the male dragonfly,” I admitted.

  “More so than butterflies?”

  “Yes.”

  I licked my suddenly dry lips, wanting something I didn’t think he would give, despite all that happened the other night. There was an undeniable pull toward him inside me so strong, I wondered if he felt it too.

  “I could send you more,” he offered.

  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  The air was charged and buzzed over my skin. Yet the silence with only the insects to fill it soon became awkward.

  “I should, um—go.” I hiked a thumb in the direction of home.

  Tell me to stay. Take two steps closer and kiss me.

  “Actually, I have somewhere to be too.”

  This was it. Now or never. Though I wasn’t the make-the-first-move kind of person, I found myself taking the two steps forward. “Thank you.”

  My lips tingled in anticipation. The question was, would he let me kiss him?

  Clumsily, I rose on my toes. He tensed when my hands landed on his pecs. I still wasn’t tall enough to reach him. He would have to bend down some. The moment seemed to stretch, but he moved just enough. I rose just a little higher to reach him.

  27

  Past

  * * *

  The sun was high and bright in the cloudy sky. I lay staring into the infinite blue as if I could see all the way to the stars hidden in the daylight.

  “So, where do you think Sawyer is?”

  I didn’t look at Julie. She was tanning, or that was the reason she’d unhooked her top, claiming she wanted her back to be free of tan lines.

  “No telling,” I said.

  “He’s probably with yet another girl.”

  She let out a loud exhale of breath.

  There was no good response. If I agreed with her, I would be betraying Sawyer. He was in love with her even if she didn’t know it. If I disagreed, I’d be lying, and she’d know it.

  “Doesn’t it bother you? I mean, your reputation is tied to his when you’re nothing like him.”

  Sawyer was everything I wasn’t, and I envied him for it.

  I didn’t hear her move. When her skin pressed against mine, I looked up as she edged me over with her hip to fit on the lounger with me. From the sky, my eyes lazily moved down to find her face. It was obvious why Sawyer crushed on her. She was pretty, very much so.

  “So—what do you think of my boobs?”

  I wasn't shocked by her question. She was always very straightforward. Automatically, my gaze shifted. She hadn’t put back on her top and all I saw were tits.

  My first thought was her father. I glanced toward the double door that led inside her house, expecting him to walk out and drown me in their pool. But her parents weren’t home.

  She took my momentary distraction to clasp my wrist and bring m
y hands to cup the warmth of her soft flesh. Then she pressed her lips to mine.

  As brief as it was, she slowly pulled back and bit at her bottom lip. “You like?”

  All I could think then was Sawyer and how much he would hate me if he found us like this. I snatched my hands away to rest on my lap, hiding the evidence of my reaction. Her cautious smile inverted before flattening into a thin line.

  “You don’t like me, do you?” she asked, all the confidence drained from her.

  I wasn’t sure what I should feel and kept my hands in place to cover my hardening cock. It had responded favorably to everything she’d offered.

  “I can’t—” I cut myself off before I told her all the reasons why, which began and ended with Sawyer.

  Abruptly, she stood and gave me her back. She took three steps forward and dove into the pool, disturbing the tranquil stillness of it. I gripped my dick to get it back under control.

  No matter what was going on, I would never betray Sawyer in a million years. I couldn’t understand why my body reacted to Julie. Quickly rationalizing it away, I decided it was because there had always been a girl between Sawyer and me. And metaphorically speaking, Julie had become that girl between us.

  Her head popped above the surface, leaving her hair slicked back. I couldn't take my eyes off her and licked my lips, trying to get ahold of the numerous emotions running through my head.

  “What’s up, good people?”

  I snapped my head around in time to see Sawyer coming through the gate that separated his property from hers.

  “Sawyer,” Julie said dryly.

  He didn’t notice her tone. His eyes had found her discarded top on the ground and a sly grin rose on his face.

  “So, we’re skinny-dipping?” he asked.

  I stood on instinct and walked over to him to block his view. Even looking back, I wasn’t sure why I’d done it.

  “Just lay off, okay,” I said at the same time Julie said, “I’m surprised you found time for us.”

  He didn’t miss her dose of sarcasm.

  His eyes focused on me as he spoke loud enough for my ears only. “What’s her problem?”